Trauma Archives - Page 2 of 2

Today begins a 10-part series on thinking errors. The first one is all-or-nothing thinking.

What are thinking errors?

Thinking errors occur when your thoughts do not match up with the reality of what is happening. They have a tendency to be self-defeating.

They can be hard to recognize due to the fact that they feel true to you.

Another name you may have heard for thinking errors is cognitive distortions. Both terms will be used on this site.

All-or-nothing thinking

The thinking error I will be discussing today is all-or-nothing thinking. It is sometime also referred to as black-or-white thinking.

This thinking error can have a serious impact on how you view yourself, other people, and the world around you.

If you have a tendency to think things or people are all good or all bad, that is an example of all-or-nothing thinking.

How to recognize all-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thoughts have a tendency to contain certain words. Some of these words include always, never, nothing, or everything. These words are absolute and leave no room for a gray area.

The following are some examples:

“I always fail at my job.”
“I’ll never be good enough to join the team.”
“Nothing ever goes my way.”
“Everything is awful.”

Ways to overcome all-or-nothing thinking

Can you see how those kinds of thoughts could be harmful?

Let’s learn how to challenge these thoughts in order to have a healthier mindset.

Give yourself leeway

This works well especially when your all-or-nothing thinking is caused by not being perfect in some way. Maybe you didn’t complete all your daily habits. Or maybe, you didn’t get that promotion you were going for.

It’s okay to not be perfect. Falling off your habits for a few days doesn’t negate the progress you have made with them or say anything about your future progress.

Not getting the promotion doesn’t mean you are a failure or a bad interviewee. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get a promotion. It only speaks to that current moment in time.

Shades of gray

Consider the thought you are having. Are there more than two options? Is there anything in between the worst and the best?

This is most likely where reality is.

It is highly unlikely that you really hate everything about that person. Maybe there are a few traits they have that you like, or you agree on a couple things.

It’s not always as black or white as it seems.

Facts vs. Assumptions

Another thing to think about is whether you are making any assumptions. I recently heard someone say something along the lines of “Could you take this thought to court?”

Essentially, can your thought be proven to be factually accurate?

When you recognize one of these thoughts coming up, it would be wise to sit down and list out the facts. That means all of the facts, not just the ones that support your thought.

Recognize what assumptions you have made about the situation or person. See if you can come to a balanced thought based on the facts.

Practice self-compassion

In simpler terms, be kind to yourself.

Don’t tie your value to your performance, if you can help it. This allows for mistakes without ending up labeling yourself as bad.

Remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. It does not say anything about your worth as a person.

I hope you have enjoyed my first installment of The Thinking Errors Series. If you did, let me know in the comments below, or you can find my contact information here.

Until next time,

Danna

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Seeing a therapist sounds daunting at first. However, in time, it can prove to be not only helpful, but even life-saving. But how do you know if you need to see a therapist in the first place?

Is it time to consider seeing a therapist?

If you are asking yourself this question, there is a good chance you could benefit from therapy. Here are a few other questions you can ask yourself to help with this decision:

Am I struggling to control my emotions? – For example, are you getting angry, anxious, or sad to a higher level than the situation warrants?
On the flip side, am I repressing or bottling up too many emotions? – This can happen for many reasons, but it is a sign that you may be struggling to express your emotions in a healthy manner.
Am I crying more than I used to? – Getting overly teary can suggest that there is something you need to work through or process so that you can begin to let in more happiness.
Am I experiencing a major life change? – For example, are you grieving a death in the family? Have you recently moved away to college? Have you gotten divorced? Even getting married to someone you love may trigger significant stress.
Have others or myself noticed a change in my mood or behavior? – Are you acting or feeling different than you’re used to, whether noticed by yourself or others?
Am I struggling with self destructive tendencies? – If you are struggling with self harming behaviors, disordered eating, or suicidal ideation, it is definitely time to seek help. If you are currently experiencing suicidal ideation or another crisis, please go to this page for immediate resources. (Note: The resources on the page are US only.)

But now what?

So, you have determined you need to see a therapist. This is a great first step and I applaud you! But now what?

Where to find a therapist

The first step in the process is to find choices of therapists.

My recommendation is to use Psychology Today to find a local therapist. They have so many different ways you can narrow your search and you will be able to see if the therapist has been verified with Psychology Today. You can find someone who uses a certain modality, someone with the specialty/specialties you are looking for, you can search by gender, and so many other things!

On that note, you may also be more interested in telehealth. If this is the case, I think that BetterHelp is a good, relatively affordable service for that. They will walk you through a survey to find a therapist who is a good match for you. If you do not feel like that person is a good fit, you may switch to someone else. Most of this post will be geared toward in-person therapy, but feel free to ask questions in the comments or contact me!

Narrowing it down

Once you go to Psychology Today, you will find that there are likely a lot of option somewhere near you for seeing a therapist. It can feel overwhelming to think about choosing one, so I will walk you through some things that can help.

First, make sure you have selected “therapists” at the top of the page and then type in your ZIP code or city. If you think you would benefit from a support group or psychiatrist, go back and look through those options after.

The difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist is that a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who prescribes medication for psychiatric conditions whereas therapists use other methods of therapy. Most do talk therapy, but some do art, music, or other modalities. It is not abnormal to be seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist.

You can use the filters on the side of the page to narrow down your search based on whether you would like a male or female therapist, any mental health conditions you have been diagnosed with, and what treatment modalities you are interested in. You may also filter based on therapists that accept your health insurance.

Then, it is time to start reading some profiles to get a feel for them. This will give you an idea of the clients they tend to work with and if you like what they have to say. Scroll down some to see their prices and if they offer a sliding scale.

Your first time seeing a therapist

It’s almost time to start seeing a therapist. Pick your favorite from those you narrowed it down to, but don’t discard the rest of your list just yet.

You can email the therapist or call the number listed on Psychology Today to set up an appointment. Some therapists offer a free phone consultation to see if you would be a good fit. Don’t be afraid to ask if they offer this, and take advantage of it if they do.

When you have your first appointment or a free consultation, make sure you ask them to explain their treatment beliefs and modalities to you. It is okay to ask questions.

You can also expect that they will ask you a lot of questions. They may give you a questionnaire to fill out. They will likely ask why you have decided on seeing a therapist and a lot of background information on your life. If at any time, this makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to say so and not answer the specific question. However, I would encourage you to be as forthcoming as you feel that you can be so that they have the most information to be able to help you.

After the appointment, evaluate how you feel about seeing this therapist. It is okay to see someone else on your list if you decide this person is not a good fit for you. You also do not have to make that decision after just one appointment if you still feel unsure.

Everything will be okay.

You have taken a wonderful first step if you are realizing you need to seek help. There is no shame in seeing a therapist.

Taking the step of seeking help is a strong thing to do.

And if you need to seek help, you can do it! I believe in you.