All-or-Nothing Thinking: The Thinking Errors Series Part 1

Today begins a 10-part series on thinking errors. The first one is all-or-nothing thinking.

What are thinking errors?

Thinking errors occur when your thoughts do not match up with the reality of what is happening. They have a tendency to be self-defeating.

They can be hard to recognize due to the fact that they feel true to you.

Another name you may have heard for thinking errors is cognitive distortions. Both terms will be used on this site.

All-or-nothing thinking

The thinking error I will be discussing today is all-or-nothing thinking. It is sometime also referred to as black-or-white thinking.

This thinking error can have a serious impact on how you view yourself, other people, and the world around you.

If you have a tendency to think things or people are all good or all bad, that is an example of all-or-nothing thinking.

How to recognize all-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thoughts have a tendency to contain certain words. Some of these words include always, never, nothing, or everything. These words are absolute and leave no room for a gray area.

The following are some examples:

1. “I always fail at my job.”
2. “I’ll never be good enough to join the team.”
3. “Nothing ever goes my way.”
4. “Everything is awful.”

Ways to overcome all-or-nothing thinking

Can you see how those kinds of thoughts could be harmful?

Let’s learn how to challenge these thoughts in order to have a healthier mindset.

Give yourself leeway

This works well especially when your all-or-nothing thinking is caused by not being perfect in some way. Maybe you didn’t complete all your daily habits. Or maybe, you didn’t get that promotion you were going for.

It’s okay to not be perfect. Falling off your habits for a few days doesn’t negate the progress you have made with them or say anything about your future progress.

Not getting the promotion doesn’t mean you are a failure or a bad interviewee. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get a promotion. It only speaks to that current moment in time.

Shades of gray

Consider the thought you are having. Are there more than two options? Is there anything in between the worst and the best?

This is most likely where reality is.

It is highly unlikely that you really hate everything about that person. Maybe there are a few traits they have that you like, or you agree on a couple things.

It’s not always as black or white as it seems.

Facts vs. Assumptions

Another thing to think about is whether you are making any assumptions. I recently heard someone say something along the lines of “Could you take this thought to court?”

Essentially, can your thought be proven to be factually accurate?

When you recognize one of these thoughts coming up, it would be wise to sit down and list out the facts. That means all of the facts, not just the ones that support your thought.

Recognize what assumptions you have made about the situation or person. See if you can come to a balanced thought based on the facts.

Practice self-compassion

In simpler terms, be kind to yourself.

Don’t tie your value to your performance, if you can help it. This allows for mistakes without ending up labeling yourself as bad.

Remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. It does not say anything about your worth as a person.

I hope you have enjoyed my first installment of The Thinking Errors Series. If you did, let me know in the comments below, or you can find my contact information here.

Until next time,

Danna