Personalization: The Thinking Errors Series Part 10

We have finally reached the last part in this series on thinking errors! Today, I will be discussing the thinking error of personalization. If you’re new to the concept of thinking errors, also known as cognitive distortions or automatic negative thoughts, please check out the first installment of the series here. It’s on all-or-nothing thinking and will tell you what a thinking error is.

Personalization

In the thinking error of personalization, you blame yourself for something that wasn’t entirely your fault. You may also find yourself blaming someone else for something that wasn’t entirely their fault.

This negative attribution can make you feel guilty when applied to yourself and disappointed or angry when applied to others.

How to recognize personalization

If your thought is essentially “This is my fault” or “This is their fault” then it may be personalization.

It may be a true statement. What you are blaming yourself for may really be your fault. Rarely does one person hold all the blame for something, though.

Here are some examples of personalization:

1. It’s my fault that my friends are arguing.
2. She died because I didn’t do enough.
3. You’re miserable because of him.
4. It’s my fault that he failed his test.

Ways to overcome personalization

Half the battle with personalization is learning to determine how true the statement actually is. Then you’ll know if you need to challenge your thought or accept that something was your fault.

Reality check with a trusted person

This is a great technique if you are trying to decide if you are using personalization or if something was actually your fault. You will want to find someone you can trust to be honest with you.

Describe the situation as objectively as you can. Try to leave out words of judgement and state only the facts.

Ask your friend if they think you are blaming yourself or someone else too much. Only use this technique if you know you won’t get mad at your friend for answering honestly.

What would you say to a friend?

Another technique is to imagine what you would say if a friend of yours came to you with the same concern you are having. Would you blame them the same way you are blaming yourself?

Probably not.

Even if you would still think they were at fault, you probably wouldn’t think they were a terrible person. If you are to blame for a situation, own up to it and learn from it rather than judging yourself.

I hope you enjoyed my series on thinking errors! I am so happy I was finally able to get this tenth installment written for you. As always, please comment or share a link on social media if you liked this post. If you want to contact me, you can find my info here.

Until next time,

Danna