Should Statements: The Thinking Errors Series Part 5

Today is the fifth installment of The Thinking Errors Series. I will be discussing should statements. If you are new to this series and/or unfamiliar with thinking errors, please check out this post, about all-or-nothing thinking, where I cover what thinking errors are.

Should statements

Should statements are pretty much exactly what they sound like. They are statements using the word “should” or other similar words that make you feel guilty.

Should statements have a tendency to cloud our vision of ourselves and the world because we are trying to get things to be a certain way, rather than just accepting them for what they are.

They can make us feel like failures and make us view others with frustration when they aren’t doing things the way we think they “should.”

How to recognize should statements

Should statements are fairly easy to recognize because they contain certain words such as “should”, “must”, or “ought”.

The following are some examples:

1. I should have worked harder on that assignment.
2. I shouldn’t have failed that test.
3. He ought not be acting that way.
4. I must exercise daily.

Ways to overcome should statements

Overcoming should statements can be a challenge, but it’s important for your mental health to do your best to work through these thoughts.

Radical acceptance

Radical acceptance is the concept of accepting things exactly as they are without trying to change them. It means that you stop trying to challenge reality and accept it.

This can help with should statements because instead of thinking of how things should be, you are accepting them for what they are.

I will write future posts about radical acceptance.

Journaling

Journal out your thoughts. Every time you use words like “should”, “shouldn’t”, “must”, or “ought”, circle them. This will allow you to start recognizing your should statements.

Once you have recognized them, you can decide if they are distressing you in some way. Maybe they are making you feel angry or guilty.

If so, then it’s time to challenge that thought and replace it with a healthier one. Write those healthier thoughts down too.

Ask yourself “Why?”

This technique works especially well for when you are applying a should statement to yourself, such as the example above stating, “I must exercise daily.”

Why do you have this rule for yourself? Does it benefit you to be so strict about it that you feel guilty? Does everyone else apply the same rule to themselves? If you know someone who doesn’t, does that say something bad about them?

If it doesn’t, then it probably means there’s nothing wrong with you for not following your rule perfectly, so you can let go of your should statement.

I hope you enjoyed part five of The Thinking Errors Series. As always, please let me know in the comment down below or find my contact info here.

Until next time,

Danna