Depression Archives - Page 2 of 2

Disqualifying the Positive: The Thinking Errors Series Part 3

Today, it’s time for the third part of The Thinking Errors Series. Wondering what a thinking error is? Check out part one, on all-or-nothing thinking, here. Today’s error is disqualifying the positive.

Disqualifying the positive

When people are disqualifying the positive, they are deciding that the positive parts of their experience don’t count for one reason or another, while the negative parts of the experience do count.

But why might people do this?

Your brain’s job is to protect you and part of the way it does that is by convincing you that you are correct. Unlearning a deeply held belief can be hard. In the short term, it’s more painful to unlearn this belief than it is to simply keep believing it, even if that belief is harmful to you.

This means that people such as yourself may be holding onto beliefs that don’t match up with your lived reality.

How to recognize disqualifying the positive

Are you trying to explain away something positive that happened, and justifying that with something negative that happened? Are you saying “Yes, but…”

Here are some examples:

Barry said he likes my painting, but Denise said it’s not her thing, so it must be a terrible painting.
The progress I have made toward my business income goal doesn’t count because I fell $1500 short of my sales goal this year.
I just got lucky and that’s the only reason I passed that test.
I only got the job because the person they wanted to hire accepted another offer.

Ways to overcome disqualifying the positive

The most important thing about learning about cognitive distortions is to learn how to challenge them.

Learn to take a compliment

It’s definitely a skill to be able to take a compliment in stride, but think about how awkward it feels on the other end when you give a compliment and the other person says it’s not true.

Practice saying, “Thank you.” when you receive a compliment, not, “Thank you, but…” Just, “Thank you.”

It feels strange at first to just accept a compliment without trying to deny it, but over time, it will become more natural.

Remember the positives

Instead of only remembering the negatives in the situation, try to bring your attention to the positives. Like in example one above, Barry still liked your painting, even if Denise didn’t.

It’s okay to recognize that there are positives while still acknowledging the negatives.

Remove “Yes, but…” from your vocabulary

No, seriously. Do your best to remove this phrase from your vocabulary. If you even catch yourself thinking this way, evaluate if you are disqualifying the positive.

If you catch this kind of thinking, tell yourself that the positive part of your experience is still valid. It still counts, even if the negative part happened too.

I hope you enjoyed the third installment of The Thinking Errors Series. As always, please leave a comment down below or share a link social media if you did. You can also contact me here.

Until next time,

Danna

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Mental Filtering: The Thinking Errors Series Part 2

This is the second installment of a 10-part series on thinking errors. Today’s error is mental filtering.

What are thinking errors?

Thinking errors happens when your thoughts are not aligned with the reality of the situation.

You can read more on thinking errors here, in my previous post in the series.

Mental filtering

Mental filtering is a common struggle. It is especially common among people with mental health conditions.

Essentially, mental filtering is focusing exclusively on the negative. You may pick out one or more negative details and decide these are more important than everything else.

How to recognize mental filtering

Mental filtering can be tricky to recognize because it feels true. The negative detail you are focused on feels important to you. Here are some examples to help you think about it:

“I have a unibrow, so everyone is going to think I am ugly.”
“One of my students didn’t like my lecture, so I must be terrible at teaching.”
“I said the word ‘um’ twice during my speech which mean I am awful at public speaking.”
“I didn’t get tickets to the concert in time. My month is ruined!”

Ways to overcome mental filtering

These kinds of thoughts can be incredibly harmful.

Let’s learn how to challenge them.

Examine the evidence

When you realize you are viewing something as all bad, examine the evidence. Is it really 100% bad, or is there anything good mixed in there as well?

You may even find that there is more good than there is bad, but that you were focused on only the bad.

Is your entire day really bad because one bad thing happened? What about all the good things that also happened? It’s important to try to have a balanced view of your day.

That isn’t to say you can’t be upset about the bad things, but you should do your best to recognize that the bad things aren’t the only things.

Write it down

If you are struggling to think of positives, write down what happened during the time period you are viewing as bad blow-by-blow. Write down events that seem small even, and list them chronologically.

Go back through your list. Can you see anything good that happened? If not, try breaking it down into smaller chunks so you can focus more on the details.

If we take example 2 about one student not liking a teacher’s lecture, we may end up writing things down like other students asking good questions or a student telling us they enjoyed what they learned.

Ask a friend

Friends can be invaluable sounding boards, if you have the right ones. If you have friends who will be honest with you, consider asking them if it’s okay to talk about your day to figure out if you are picking out the negative too strongly.

Then, walk through your day, the same way you would if you were writing it down. The advantage to this one is that it is interactive. You may receive questions that make you think and you should gain a second opinion on whether you are mental filtering or not.

I hope you enjoyed the second installment of The Thinking Errors Series. As always, please leave a comment down below if you did. You can also contact me here.

Until next time,

Danna

Don't forget to subscribe to our email list for weekly updates from Musings by Danna, plus 17 free journal prompts for mental health!

All-or-Nothing Thinking: The Thinking Errors Series Part 1

Today begins a 10-part series on thinking errors. The first one is all-or-nothing thinking.

What are thinking errors?

Thinking errors occur when your thoughts do not match up with the reality of what is happening. They have a tendency to be self-defeating.

They can be hard to recognize due to the fact that they feel true to you.

Another name you may have heard for thinking errors is cognitive distortions. Both terms will be used on this site.

All-or-nothing thinking

The thinking error I will be discussing today is all-or-nothing thinking. It is sometime also referred to as black-or-white thinking.

This thinking error can have a serious impact on how you view yourself, other people, and the world around you.

If you have a tendency to think things or people are all good or all bad, that is an example of all-or-nothing thinking.

How to recognize all-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thoughts have a tendency to contain certain words. Some of these words include always, never, nothing, or everything. These words are absolute and leave no room for a gray area.

The following are some examples:

“I always fail at my job.”
“I’ll never be good enough to join the team.”
“Nothing ever goes my way.”
“Everything is awful.”

Ways to overcome all-or-nothing thinking

Can you see how those kinds of thoughts could be harmful?

Let’s learn how to challenge these thoughts in order to have a healthier mindset.

Give yourself leeway

This works well especially when your all-or-nothing thinking is caused by not being perfect in some way. Maybe you didn’t complete all your daily habits. Or maybe, you didn’t get that promotion you were going for.

It’s okay to not be perfect. Falling off your habits for a few days doesn’t negate the progress you have made with them or say anything about your future progress.

Not getting the promotion doesn’t mean you are a failure or a bad interviewee. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get a promotion. It only speaks to that current moment in time.

Shades of gray

Consider the thought you are having. Are there more than two options? Is there anything in between the worst and the best?

This is most likely where reality is.

It is highly unlikely that you really hate everything about that person. Maybe there are a few traits they have that you like, or you agree on a couple things.

It’s not always as black or white as it seems.

Facts vs. Assumptions

Another thing to think about is whether you are making any assumptions. I recently heard someone say something along the lines of “Could you take this thought to court?”

Essentially, can your thought be proven to be factually accurate?

When you recognize one of these thoughts coming up, it would be wise to sit down and list out the facts. That means all of the facts, not just the ones that support your thought.

Recognize what assumptions you have made about the situation or person. See if you can come to a balanced thought based on the facts.

Practice self-compassion

In simpler terms, be kind to yourself.

Don’t tie your value to your performance, if you can help it. This allows for mistakes without ending up labeling yourself as bad.

Remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. It does not say anything about your worth as a person.

I hope you have enjoyed my first installment of The Thinking Errors Series. If you did, let me know in the comments below, or you can find my contact information here.

Until next time,

Danna

Don't forget to subscribe to our email list for weekly updates from Musings by Danna, plus 17 free journal prompts for mental health!

Seeing a therapist

Seeing a therapist sounds daunting at first. However, in time, it can prove to be not only helpful, but even life-saving. But how do you know if you need to see a therapist in the first place?

Is it time to consider seeing a therapist?

If you are asking yourself this question, there is a good chance you could benefit from therapy. Here are a few other questions you can ask yourself to help with this decision:

Am I struggling to control my emotions? – For example, are you getting angry, anxious, or sad to a higher level than the situation warrants?
On the flip side, am I repressing or bottling up too many emotions? – This can happen for many reasons, but it is a sign that you may be struggling to express your emotions in a healthy manner.
Am I crying more than I used to? – Getting overly teary can suggest that there is something you need to work through or process so that you can begin to let in more happiness.
Am I experiencing a major life change? – For example, are you grieving a death in the family? Have you recently moved away to college? Have you gotten divorced? Even getting married to someone you love may trigger significant stress.
Have others or myself noticed a change in my mood or behavior? – Are you acting or feeling different than you’re used to, whether noticed by yourself or others?
Am I struggling with self destructive tendencies? – If you are struggling with self harming behaviors, disordered eating, or suicidal ideation, it is definitely time to seek help. If you are currently experiencing suicidal ideation or another crisis, please go to this page for immediate resources. (Note: The resources on the page are US only.)

But now what?

So, you have determined you need to see a therapist. This is a great first step and I applaud you! But now what?

Where to find a therapist

The first step in the process is to find choices of therapists.

My recommendation is to use Psychology Today to find a local therapist. They have so many different ways you can narrow your search and you will be able to see if the therapist has been verified with Psychology Today. You can find someone who uses a certain modality, someone with the specialty/specialties you are looking for, you can search by gender, and so many other things!

On that note, you may also be more interested in telehealth. If this is the case, I think that BetterHelp is a good, relatively affordable service for that. They will walk you through a survey to find a therapist who is a good match for you. If you do not feel like that person is a good fit, you may switch to someone else. Most of this post will be geared toward in-person therapy, but feel free to ask questions in the comments or contact me!

Narrowing it down

Once you go to Psychology Today, you will find that there are likely a lot of option somewhere near you for seeing a therapist. It can feel overwhelming to think about choosing one, so I will walk you through some things that can help.

First, make sure you have selected “therapists” at the top of the page and then type in your ZIP code or city. If you think you would benefit from a support group or psychiatrist, go back and look through those options after.

The difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist is that a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who prescribes medication for psychiatric conditions whereas therapists use other methods of therapy. Most do talk therapy, but some do art, music, or other modalities. It is not abnormal to be seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist.

You can use the filters on the side of the page to narrow down your search based on whether you would like a male or female therapist, any mental health conditions you have been diagnosed with, and what treatment modalities you are interested in. You may also filter based on therapists that accept your health insurance.

Then, it is time to start reading some profiles to get a feel for them. This will give you an idea of the clients they tend to work with and if you like what they have to say. Scroll down some to see their prices and if they offer a sliding scale.

Your first time seeing a therapist

It’s almost time to start seeing a therapist. Pick your favorite from those you narrowed it down to, but don’t discard the rest of your list just yet.

You can email the therapist or call the number listed on Psychology Today to set up an appointment. Some therapists offer a free phone consultation to see if you would be a good fit. Don’t be afraid to ask if they offer this, and take advantage of it if they do.

When you have your first appointment or a free consultation, make sure you ask them to explain their treatment beliefs and modalities to you. It is okay to ask questions.

You can also expect that they will ask you a lot of questions. They may give you a questionnaire to fill out. They will likely ask why you have decided on seeing a therapist and a lot of background information on your life. If at any time, this makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to say so and not answer the specific question. However, I would encourage you to be as forthcoming as you feel that you can be so that they have the most information to be able to help you.

After the appointment, evaluate how you feel about seeing this therapist. It is okay to see someone else on your list if you decide this person is not a good fit for you. You also do not have to make that decision after just one appointment if you still feel unsure.

Everything will be okay.

You have taken a wonderful first step if you are realizing you need to seek help. There is no shame in seeing a therapist.

Taking the step of seeking help is a strong thing to do.

And if you need to seek help, you can do it! I believe in you.

Until next time,

Danna

Gratitude Journaling Benefits and Methods

Gratitude journaling is something that brings me great joy. It allows me to reflect on my day and my life.

But what is gratitude journaling?

Gratitude journaling allows you to reflect on the things in your life that you are thankful for. There are so many ways to use a gratitude journal, but in this post, I will be discussing my top three methods, as well as the benefits of gratitude journaling and how to start one.

Four benefits of gratitude journaling:

Gratitude journaling can have several positive impacts on your life. First, it helps you recognize positive aspects of your life and draw attention to them. This can help with negative thinking patterns and help lower levels of depression.

It can also help you be more thankful for the people in your life. If you are taking time to reflect on what others are doing for you, this can have a positive impact on your relationships.

Gratitude journaling can also improve your physical health. People who keep a gratitude journal have less symptoms of physical illness and less pain than those who do not. They also report both more sleep and higher quality sleep because they are not tossing and turning from stress as much.

It can improve your self-esteem by helping you reflect on your accomplishments. Gratitude journaling can also help you feel like you are a person who is worthy of the kindness of others.

Three methods of gratitude journaling:

There are many ways one can keep a gratitude journal. I will be discussing my top three favorite methods. I invite you to try each of them and see what works for you.

GLAD Journaling:

GLAD Journaling is my personal favorite way to do gratitude journaling. I learned about it from my therapist quite a while back and I still use it frequently.

GLAD is an acronym that stands for Grateful, Learned, Accomplished, and Delight. At the end of the day, I like to write one sentence for each of the four categories to help me reflect upon my day and recognize the positives. The four categories may overlap some. This is okay. You can put things into whatever category feels best to you.

The “Grateful” category is pretty self-explanatory. Write about something you are grateful for that you experienced or appreciated that day.

In the “Learned” category, you write about something new you discovered that day. It can be anything from learning something about yourself or others to learning a new skill or fun fact.

For the “Accomplished” category, take a moment to reflect on everything you accomplished that day. Write down your favorite or biggest accomplishment, something you are proud of for that day. Even accomplishments that others may consider small can count. You deserve to be proud of yourself for whatever you were able to accomplish.

For the “Delight” category, write about one thing you enjoyed about the day or something that made you really happy. Writing about my “Delight” for the day always makes me smile.

Your GLAD Journal might look something like this:

3 things I am grateful for:

This is a second method of gratitude journaling. It does not have categories like GLAD Journaling does. Instead, you simply come up with three things you are grateful for each day.

Try to do this at the same time each day. Many people prefer to do this in the mornings, first thing when they wake up.

While it sounds like a fairly simple exercise, the challenge comes when you have been doing it for a while since you want to try your best not to repeat yourself over time. This means that the more specific you can get, the better.

Yours could look something like this:

What would my life be like without this?

The third and final method of gratitude journaling that I will be sharing with you today is “What would my life be like without this?” This is probably the most time consuming of the exercises, but it does go deeper than the rest.

For this exercise, you will want to think about something or someone really important to you. Write it down.

Then, you will start to write about how your life would be different without this thing or person.

Close out the exerise by writing “I am grateful for _____ because _____.”

The following picture is an example, although I would recommend trying to make yours longer if possible.

Starting a gratitude journal

Starting a journal of any kind can feel overwhelming to begin with. The first thing I like to do when I am starting a new journal is to pick out a journal that makes me feel excited. I have found that when I have a pretty journal, I am more likely to continue using it.

Another important thing is to find a writing utensil that feels good to you. That may sound silly, but there’s nothing worse that trying to write with a pencil that squeaks or a pen that doesn’t write smoothly. I have recently discovered the magic that is erasable pens and it has honestly been a game changer.

Once you have your journal and writing utensil(s) picked out, it’s time to pick a method to use. There is nothing wrong with going back and forth between different methods of gratitude journaling, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to one method.

The internet has a plethora of ideas for more specific prompts if that’s your style. If you are struggling to come up with things to be thankful for, I would highly recommend searching for gratitude journaling prompts. Then you can decide whether you would like to adapt their ideas to fit one of the ideas above or do a free writing exercise on a prompt.

Please reach out to me if you have any questions, or comment below! (You can find my contact information here.) And don’t forget to subscribe to my email list so you can always keep up to date on my posts!

Until next time,

Danna