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Disqualifying the Positive: The Thinking Errors Series Part 3

Today, it’s time for the third part of The Thinking Errors Series. Wondering what a thinking error is? Check out part one, on all-or-nothing thinking, here. Today’s error is disqualifying the positive.

Disqualifying the positive

When people are disqualifying the positive, they are deciding that the positive parts of their experience don’t count for one reason or another, while the negative parts of the experience do count.

But why might people do this?

Your brain’s job is to protect you and part of the way it does that is by convincing you that you are correct. Unlearning a deeply held belief can be hard. In the short term, it’s more painful to unlearn this belief than it is to simply keep believing it, even if that belief is harmful to you.

This means that people such as yourself may be holding onto beliefs that don’t match up with your lived reality.

How to recognize disqualifying the positive

Are you trying to explain away something positive that happened, and justifying that with something negative that happened? Are you saying “Yes, but…”

Here are some examples:

Barry said he likes my painting, but Denise said it’s not her thing, so it must be a terrible painting.
The progress I have made toward my business income goal doesn’t count because I fell $1500 short of my sales goal this year.
I just got lucky and that’s the only reason I passed that test.
I only got the job because the person they wanted to hire accepted another offer.

Ways to overcome disqualifying the positive

The most important thing about learning about cognitive distortions is to learn how to challenge them.

Learn to take a compliment

It’s definitely a skill to be able to take a compliment in stride, but think about how awkward it feels on the other end when you give a compliment and the other person says it’s not true.

Practice saying, “Thank you.” when you receive a compliment, not, “Thank you, but…” Just, “Thank you.”

It feels strange at first to just accept a compliment without trying to deny it, but over time, it will become more natural.

Remember the positives

Instead of only remembering the negatives in the situation, try to bring your attention to the positives. Like in example one above, Barry still liked your painting, even if Denise didn’t.

It’s okay to recognize that there are positives while still acknowledging the negatives.

Remove “Yes, but…” from your vocabulary

No, seriously. Do your best to remove this phrase from your vocabulary. If you even catch yourself thinking this way, evaluate if you are disqualifying the positive.

If you catch this kind of thinking, tell yourself that the positive part of your experience is still valid. It still counts, even if the negative part happened too.

I hope you enjoyed the third installment of The Thinking Errors Series. As always, please leave a comment down below or share a link social media if you did. You can also contact me here.

Until next time,

Danna

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Mental Filtering: The Thinking Errors Series Part 2

This is the second installment of a 10-part series on thinking errors. Today’s error is mental filtering.

What are thinking errors?

Thinking errors happens when your thoughts are not aligned with the reality of the situation.

You can read more on thinking errors here, in my previous post in the series.

Mental filtering

Mental filtering is a common struggle. It is especially common among people with mental health conditions.

Essentially, mental filtering is focusing exclusively on the negative. You may pick out one or more negative details and decide these are more important than everything else.

How to recognize mental filtering

Mental filtering can be tricky to recognize because it feels true. The negative detail you are focused on feels important to you. Here are some examples to help you think about it:

“I have a unibrow, so everyone is going to think I am ugly.”
“One of my students didn’t like my lecture, so I must be terrible at teaching.”
“I said the word ‘um’ twice during my speech which mean I am awful at public speaking.”
“I didn’t get tickets to the concert in time. My month is ruined!”

Ways to overcome mental filtering

These kinds of thoughts can be incredibly harmful.

Let’s learn how to challenge them.

Examine the evidence

When you realize you are viewing something as all bad, examine the evidence. Is it really 100% bad, or is there anything good mixed in there as well?

You may even find that there is more good than there is bad, but that you were focused on only the bad.

Is your entire day really bad because one bad thing happened? What about all the good things that also happened? It’s important to try to have a balanced view of your day.

That isn’t to say you can’t be upset about the bad things, but you should do your best to recognize that the bad things aren’t the only things.

Write it down

If you are struggling to think of positives, write down what happened during the time period you are viewing as bad blow-by-blow. Write down events that seem small even, and list them chronologically.

Go back through your list. Can you see anything good that happened? If not, try breaking it down into smaller chunks so you can focus more on the details.

If we take example 2 about one student not liking a teacher’s lecture, we may end up writing things down like other students asking good questions or a student telling us they enjoyed what they learned.

Ask a friend

Friends can be invaluable sounding boards, if you have the right ones. If you have friends who will be honest with you, consider asking them if it’s okay to talk about your day to figure out if you are picking out the negative too strongly.

Then, walk through your day, the same way you would if you were writing it down. The advantage to this one is that it is interactive. You may receive questions that make you think and you should gain a second opinion on whether you are mental filtering or not.

I hope you enjoyed the second installment of The Thinking Errors Series. As always, please leave a comment down below if you did. You can also contact me here.

Until next time,

Danna

Don't forget to subscribe to our email list for weekly updates from Musings by Danna, plus 17 free journal prompts for mental health!

Gratitude Journaling Benefits and Methods

Gratitude journaling is something that brings me great joy. It allows me to reflect on my day and my life.

But what is gratitude journaling?

Gratitude journaling allows you to reflect on the things in your life that you are thankful for. There are so many ways to use a gratitude journal, but in this post, I will be discussing my top three methods, as well as the benefits of gratitude journaling and how to start one.

Four benefits of gratitude journaling:

Gratitude journaling can have several positive impacts on your life. First, it helps you recognize positive aspects of your life and draw attention to them. This can help with negative thinking patterns and help lower levels of depression.

It can also help you be more thankful for the people in your life. If you are taking time to reflect on what others are doing for you, this can have a positive impact on your relationships.

Gratitude journaling can also improve your physical health. People who keep a gratitude journal have less symptoms of physical illness and less pain than those who do not. They also report both more sleep and higher quality sleep because they are not tossing and turning from stress as much.

It can improve your self-esteem by helping you reflect on your accomplishments. Gratitude journaling can also help you feel like you are a person who is worthy of the kindness of others.

Three methods of gratitude journaling:

There are many ways one can keep a gratitude journal. I will be discussing my top three favorite methods. I invite you to try each of them and see what works for you.

GLAD Journaling:

GLAD Journaling is my personal favorite way to do gratitude journaling. I learned about it from my therapist quite a while back and I still use it frequently.

GLAD is an acronym that stands for Grateful, Learned, Accomplished, and Delight. At the end of the day, I like to write one sentence for each of the four categories to help me reflect upon my day and recognize the positives. The four categories may overlap some. This is okay. You can put things into whatever category feels best to you.

The “Grateful” category is pretty self-explanatory. Write about something you are grateful for that you experienced or appreciated that day.

In the “Learned” category, you write about something new you discovered that day. It can be anything from learning something about yourself or others to learning a new skill or fun fact.

For the “Accomplished” category, take a moment to reflect on everything you accomplished that day. Write down your favorite or biggest accomplishment, something you are proud of for that day. Even accomplishments that others may consider small can count. You deserve to be proud of yourself for whatever you were able to accomplish.

For the “Delight” category, write about one thing you enjoyed about the day or something that made you really happy. Writing about my “Delight” for the day always makes me smile.

Your GLAD Journal might look something like this:

3 things I am grateful for:

This is a second method of gratitude journaling. It does not have categories like GLAD Journaling does. Instead, you simply come up with three things you are grateful for each day.

Try to do this at the same time each day. Many people prefer to do this in the mornings, first thing when they wake up.

While it sounds like a fairly simple exercise, the challenge comes when you have been doing it for a while since you want to try your best not to repeat yourself over time. This means that the more specific you can get, the better.

Yours could look something like this:

What would my life be like without this?

The third and final method of gratitude journaling that I will be sharing with you today is “What would my life be like without this?” This is probably the most time consuming of the exercises, but it does go deeper than the rest.

For this exercise, you will want to think about something or someone really important to you. Write it down.

Then, you will start to write about how your life would be different without this thing or person.

Close out the exerise by writing “I am grateful for _____ because _____.”

The following picture is an example, although I would recommend trying to make yours longer if possible.

Starting a gratitude journal

Starting a journal of any kind can feel overwhelming to begin with. The first thing I like to do when I am starting a new journal is to pick out a journal that makes me feel excited. I have found that when I have a pretty journal, I am more likely to continue using it.

Another important thing is to find a writing utensil that feels good to you. That may sound silly, but there’s nothing worse that trying to write with a pencil that squeaks or a pen that doesn’t write smoothly. I have recently discovered the magic that is erasable pens and it has honestly been a game changer.

Once you have your journal and writing utensil(s) picked out, it’s time to pick a method to use. There is nothing wrong with going back and forth between different methods of gratitude journaling, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to one method.

The internet has a plethora of ideas for more specific prompts if that’s your style. If you are struggling to come up with things to be thankful for, I would highly recommend searching for gratitude journaling prompts. Then you can decide whether you would like to adapt their ideas to fit one of the ideas above or do a free writing exercise on a prompt.

Please reach out to me if you have any questions, or comment below! (You can find my contact information here.) And don’t forget to subscribe to my email list so you can always keep up to date on my posts!

Until next time,

Danna

Mental health: Welcome to Musings by Danna!

My name is Danna Richardson, and I am the owner of the blog Musings by Danna. I designed this blog to be a place for an open discussion on mental health. I will be sharing my thoughts, experiences, and tips on mental health. Some of the things I plan to write about include depression, anxiety, trauma, and self-care.

I am 21 years old. Some of my life goals include publishing my own creative writing, being able to help others, and living a happy life.

I have struggled with mental health conditions for most of my life. I started having panic attacks before I can even remember and began experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder in elementary school. Beginning from a young age, I experienced many traumas.

I have since been diagnosed with panic disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. It’s becoming easier to manage my symptoms and I would love to help others get to a place where their mental health can improve.

You can expect frank discussions on mental health topics from this blog. I will not shy away from controversial or hard to discuss topics. I believe in the importance of education and honesty.

Feel free to contact me at any point if you have a question or comment! You can find my social media at the bottom of the page. My email address is in my ABOUT/CONTACT ME page. I would love to hear from you whether you have questions about my content or have a recommendation of something you would like to see from me.

Please consider joining my email list! I will be sending out weekly newsletters to keep you updated on everything that’s happening around here.

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Until next time,

Danna